"Previous Owner" Masterpieces

I have seen many posts here about the hacked up, half-assed, maybe dangerous "custom" jobs that Previous Owners have done to our babies, so I'm starting a thread. Here's your opportunity to vent, rant, or even BRAG about how strange POs can be. Duct tape, zip ties, latex paint, wiring monstrosities, go nuts! Post detailed pics! The "winner" wins a difficult project, and sympathy from us all!

 

Custom wiring on a 750 Seca....


Notice the custom rear tank mount, too...

Rear taillights

 

look at the mess this guy made

oops, that's mine. i promise to clean it up some day

 

Hmm, I can only go back to when I pulled my 700 into the garage after having sat in the PO's front yard for 18+ months with no valve cover. There was so much water in the engine it bubbled out when I pulled the spark plugs!

 

Do i win alligator clips ect and check the horns out. Dollar store spray job complete with lots of runs trimmed out is hand painted gold

 

Wow, Bigshankhank! That is some super neglect right there, but it's nowhere near a creative as Cutlass79500's... gold? Drip drip drip. It's a Jackson Pollock with alligator clips! Is the famous artist any relation to our Polock?

 

I can't draw a bow string

 

here's one. I just bought a '86 radian. it runs, but not well.



gee, I wonder what the problem could be?

FU

 

How much for the carbs would look right on my Darwin awards bike lol

 

pm me and we can talk.

FU

 

What could be wrong here?

 

Not too bad, I guess its kind of an upgrade, but still getting corrected. I think some people really underestimate a 12V battery in a vehicle and its ability to set fire to a 12 gauge wire very quickly.

 

Wow Dave, is that a trailer adapter allowing him/her to run combination tail/turn lights? Creative. At least they taped their wire nuts

 

I move to dissalow entrants where the problem is merely neglect and aging parts. A true masterpiece requires effort.

 

I dunno... FtUp's looks like someone fried an egg on his carbs! Also, whoever took bites out of JPaganel's boots had some creative ideas about meal options. All of these are making me feel better about my poor beater! I don't think that they should be disallowed, but effort goes a long way! Keep it up guys! Let's see the CRAZY!!

 

It looks like the bike in the top picture has wiring joints made using those conical screw on connections. They used to be common in mains wiring in England many years ago. They were more tapered and so were known as dog c*cks. They were banned because they were not reliable. Are they actually any good for vehicle wiring?

I once removed a fuse box cover on a bike to see four matching fuses, each neatly covered in cooking foil. When I removed the foil I found that each fuse was a 13A household plug fuse. This didn't bode well.....

 

The ignition switch.... From a riding mower---

 

Hey, my first bike had one of those. Starter button on the handlebar didn't work so the PO had fitted the key switch to activate the starter, just like in your car. Handy, except when you forgot to put the transmission in neutral, especially since the switch was on the left hand side so you couldn't cover the clutch at the same time.

 

Exactly..... Did you see how the bracket has been riveted to the frame?!? Lol



Speaking of starter button, I'll have to take a pic of the button on the Water Buffalo for you----

 

I came across this vid while looking for something else, but it seemed like a suitable candidate...



FU

 

They are apporved for house wiring in the U.S. (and work very well when installed correctly), but I would not use them on a vehicle except as an ememgency measure.

 

Morettes is what they're called here. Dog c*cks are WAAAAAY funnier!

 

I did not feel like replacing my entire fusebox this year
so I soldered in some correct inline fuses

 

crap! that vid was supposed to be episode 3. where this guy fixes the toggle ignition switch and fuel cap. check out his other vids, especially episode 3. you may find them "bitchin"!

FU

 

Some of Max's fixes are a little rough... I don't think he's a purist of any sort, but he does seem to be able to get some pretty crappy bikes running again! I liked the one where he cleans a gas tank with electrolysis. Uses a coat hanger as his sacrificial anode and hooks it up to a trickle charger. I think a link from his "Motorcycle Medic" page may have been how I found this forum. He's got some good tips for getting a bike to start for the first time, and he keeps it pretty basic so unskilled jerks like me can understand. Not all XJ, but still useful . http://www.themotorcyclemedic.com/run.html

 

Bike Bandit posted dup a doozy on Facebook. It's not an XJ, but it is well worth posting here.



Notice how the welds (if you want to call those metal boogers welds) aren't even close to good. If you're going to weld a sprocket to a countershaft at least have the decency to do it right.

 

That's the new welding method called candle drip. You just hold some lead over whatever you want stuck, hit it with a blow torch, and drip drip drip, you're done! It even works right over rust! Masterpiece!

 

Got his moneys worth out of that sprocket! Guess there's no going back at that point for a new one.

 

Yikes!

 

Found this mess in my Seca II carbs when opening it up.

I wonder how well this Seca II ran before I got it?!

And I am no longer calling the previous owner, Dick. Now he's Dumbass. Take a look at his mess inside the carb diapragms. Every one is ruined:



He decided to manually remove the vacuum petcock. He did this by removing the vacuum bits and installing a lawn-more fuel switch. He then managed to flood it and did this to the starter gears.

 

I have a used harness for a seca750 do you want it?????
Just pay the shipping

 

Ran half assed cause carbs only halfway in and mix screws 12 turns out!!

 

The wiring on his bike has been that way for years. I think he likes it

 

What! Is he prewiring for a Flux Capacitor when they become available !

 

I bought this XJ1100 from a total numpty. They really tried hard to get those cylinders off.

 

I'm sorry, "numpty" isn't in my english-english dictionary. You got that from a what?

 

Was he using a jackhammer ? Or dynamite! Or a 12 gauge ?.....
All of the above

 

save that harness for someone who's not a butcher
what your looking at there is a minimum harness over a stock harness using some of the original and some new wires and none of the old wires removed unless they fell on the floor.
then the separate headlight relays added confusion and the digital speedo/tach really balled things up. i'm keeping a eye out for multi conductor #16 cable for a makeover this winter

 

I'm guessing a numpty is some sort of an unholy creature of the British Isles that apparently survives on a diet of aluminum. Or aluminium.

 

Here it means muppet, idiot, halfwit, take your pick

 

Nice hole in the #2 piston.......

 

Looked lt up "Numpty"
Name of a song by Paulo Nutini
")&()($?&&!?

 

Fed his bike golf balls for lunch !

 

Numpty: (n) A person who has a PhD in Dumbass.

 

Sorry for the late reply but as I tried to post my comment yesterday, though I was shown as logged in, I was unable to post.
But yeah, all the answers are correct plus a few more choice words describe the tosser.
Check out all sorts of terms on the Urban Dictionary.

 

Appreciated none the less. I was mostly wondering if it had a more specific connotation. Like if I called someone a total bumpkin, you'd be able to infer that he's not only dumb but probably also lives somewhere rural. "Numpty" made me think of "frumpy," so I couldn't help but imagine you buying a bike off an old guy in a flower print dress with a pillbox hat and a scowl on. Also I thought of the Humpty dance. It's your chance. Do the hump.

 

Numpty, tosser, ect... all adjectives for PREVIOUS OWNER!!
PS I also thought of "Humpty, pronounced with the UMPTY!"

 

Seeing as we've digressed from the original topic, if you like slang have a look at the Roger's Profanisaurus, also available as an app.

http://profanisaurusapp.com/

 

Nah, this is standard deviation. We're within spec.

 

Max is more about function than form, but that one was a special deal. He was modifying the 550 to be a Cobra Commander bike for a friend. He had to do several questionable hacks to get it right, but it looked sweet.