Dont F'in drink and drive!!!!

Just found out Wednesday that I will probably loose an old friend to an accident. He was driving down one road and said this person pulled out in front of him while talking on a cell phone.. She is now dead, the mother of 5 kids, my buddy the dam drunk was the one driving. He said it wasnt his fault but to me if you have enough alcohol in your system to blow a .16 then you are at fault period.I don't care if you were going though a green light and the other person ran a red light. If you were not driving drunk then that person would still be alive.. Yes I lost a friend only because he wants me to write a letter to the court saying what a good guy he is..
Little background on him.. I have known him for 25 years plus but the last 12 I havent seen him. Only found him by reading a post on a different motorcycle message board. Upon PM'ing him I found out where he lived and went up and saw him last year and took him to a concert. He drank a couple of beers while we were heading to the concert! I told him that he was f'in crazy to be doing that. He shrugged it off saying that I was a party pooper. He was smashed beyond drunk after the concert and drove until I saw a motel 6 (A whopping two blocks) and I said park it!! He turned around and drove on the sidewalk until we got there. I paid for a motel room that only had one bed. I slept on the floor. I can't remember a time 20 plus years ago when he was sober but yet he wants me to write a letter to the court system to tell them that he is a good driver and not a drunk he is... I can't do that. I really can not see where he is a good guy anymore, he hasnt really grown up at all and still think that life is a party. I feel sorry for the 5 kids that lost there mother while she was going out to the grocery store for food for them. Even though he lives 400 plus miles from me, in a way I feel guilty since I have seen this coming. I just prayed that what has happened never would. He told me that he has been pulled over several times for drunk driving but always got off. Now 5 kids have no mother. So for the guys and gals that want to have a couple of beers while on a Sunday ride and that couple leads to a couple of 12 packs.. do us all a favor and let someone else drive.

Sorry I just had to vent and get this off my chest. it's been pissing me off all day wondering how or what I could have done to prevent this.. Reality is that I couldnt do anything. But yet I still feel remorse for what he has done


Sean

 

Awful thing to happen but you can't blame yourself. I won't try and pile on my stories but know this - the FIRST step is recognizing you have a problem. Until he does there is NOTHING you or anyone else can do to change his mind or his behavior.

Hang in there....

 

It sounds just like a selfcentered drunk, trying to pull 'friends' in to cover his butt.

Dino, you are feeling remorse for the right people, Id write the friend's letter, but tell the Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing BUT the TRUTH and send it to the prosecuting attorney as well as to the murdering SOB.

Sigh...Im sorry....but I know a couple people like that and it seems Justice is never really served....just paid some lip service.

 

Prayers to those in volved. . Sad to see this stuff happen.

I was lucky enough to not die at the hands of a drunk driver( myself) Since I have quit drinking (like a fish )( been 20+ years) My children who are of drinking age choose not to drink either.

 

Dino, I've seen young lives ruin by this and wrote a similar letter. Kid still got 25 to life and the father of 3 isn't coming home. This after I talked to him about drinking while on leave.
My parents have been hit 3 times by drunk drivers, near fatally twice (but for the grace of God and a few seconds).
I have no pity for drunks, it is a choice they make.
Best choice is to decide BEFORE drinking. Before brain cells are pickled.
My heart aches for the victims family, no child should be without their parent(s). It hurts to watch a flag being handed to 3 kids who's parents got wiped out.
I do hope your pain is understood and it makes an impact, this senseless slaughter is just unconscionable. I'm going to hug my daughter right now.

 

wow Dino

well i dont have much to say but dont put your self down in the ditches i feel what your going threw and io know it hurts just to even think of something like that and that could have been your mom and some one else friend
my prayers are with you and that family tonight

 

dino; I'm over 50 and I have peers (relatives, no less!) who are still like that. Party, party, party; then ride their Harleys.

I wouldn't write any sort of letter; personally at this point I would bluntly tell the friend that he is on his own in this one. It doesn't sound like he's going to come out of it unscathed. Time to step away.

 

Dinoracer, don't write the letter!!!
I've found that you'll simply be enabling him to keep on doing things the way he already is.

Who knows, maybe NOT writing the letter might just save 5 other kid from being parentless!!

Tough love is TOUGH!!!

 

dino, let me give you two thumbs up for doing the right thing on this one.

Too many people would just write the "good guy" letter.

 

For starters, this man is not your friend! A friend would not ask you to lie to a court for him. He might've been your friend in the past, but not anymore. He is now merely an acquaintance, just like the people who bag your groceries, deliver your mail, or beg money from you everyday on the same street corner.

Please don't write the glowing letter he asked you for. The moral implications aside, your comments will become part of the official record of the case and may subject you to legal liability if he gets off again and goes on to hurt or kill someone else. Do you want to risk losing everything you currently have and everything you ever WILL have?

If you write a letter at all.....simply stick to factual matters regarding what you KNOW about his alcohol/drug use. At this point, prison may be what is needed to save his life. He will have plenty of time to reflect on what he did and will have access to counseling and rehab programs. He will also find it much more difficult to find stuff to drink.

You've been a good friend to him in the past and he blew it off. Now you have the tough part......grieving for the friendship he has thrown away and forcing your self to back off and make him bear the consequences of his actions. He is the only one who can change his course in life......you threw him a rope in the past, but don't get sucked into the quicksand with him now.

 

What he said....

But if you do please tell the truth

 

You have already done your duty as a friend, you told him he was wrong, you stoped him while you were there but you can only help someone so far and then they need to help themselves, you don't owe him anything and certanly not a lie to get him out of trouble, hang in there and don't beat yourself up at least you tried. A friend wouldn't put you in this position.
Shaun

 

Quoted for truth.

I'm not sure how good of an idea this is, but I most assuredly agree with the sentiment. Remind him that the "party pooper" wasn't the one who killed a mother of five.

 

Dino,

I have the utmost respect for you to make that decision. I hope you would tell him how you feel.

A few years back I worked with a young girl, 17. She had been caught for under aged posession and consumption of alcohol at least twice before but no DUI offense but knew she had just been lucky. One night she was supposed to show up to work but didn't make it. 3 hours later we got word she had rolled her car and was airlifted to the trauma center some 125 miles away.

I left work in the morning and headed to see how she was, not good. I visited often as she slowly recoperated. When she got out of the hospital 2 1/2 months later wanted me to write her a letter when she faced the judge
for DUI. I told her I would write the letter but it may not be what she wants. After talking to her about the way I felt about her problem I wrote the letter.

The letter said; "I know this girl has a problem but has many talents as well. I feel she has the ability to make the right decisions but I could not say for sure if she would. Therefore I ask the court to save this childs life and send her to an appropriate rehab program. I care too much for this young girl to pass an oppotunity to try to help her even though I may lose her as a friend."

I did not see her for sometime after that. After about one year I got an invitation to go to her graduation. Did I go? Darn right I did and got the biggest hug and a very wet shoulder from her tears of thanks for what I had done for her.

Because of rehab she had to graduate HS a year later than she should have but she lived to do and didn't even go out and party afterward.

Didn't mean to highjack the thread but by not telling your friends with issues how feel, you are still enabling through apathy.

Good luck dude. These things are never easy. Lots of prayers are needed for all involved, including your friend.

The Buff